"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because
he knows where all the bad girls live."
-- George Carlin
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| Craft store Santa dolls 11-9-13 |
"I keep three hoes, but don't call me Santa."
-- Nicki Minaj, "I Get Crazy"
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| Craft store Santa 11-9-13 |
Halloween is over, which can only mean two things:
Halloween shit is on sale for 99 percent off, and Christmas shit is flooding the shelves.
I went to the craft store, innocently looking for supplies and ideas, when I came across this tawdry scene -- a horny Santa doll with his red boxers shoved down around his ankles, exposing his nether regions, with a satisfied, silly grin under his beard, standing precariously close to a slim, naked girl doll with perky plastic tits who is trying to act all nonchalant, wide-eyed and aloof, looking the other way while she slips back into her little white loafers for her walk of shame.
Who do they think they're fooling?
Sheesh. Get a room. There are children in this store.
And I thought Christmas was supposed to be all about baby Jesus.
I guess you can't really blame the old guy, though.
Just look at Mrs. Santa down there on the end of the row. She really has let herself go. I mean, she's wearing the exact same boxers as her old man. She's wearing the exact same black boots as her old man. She even has the exact same tits as her old man, for crissakes! (All she needs is a beard and mustache. She'll get there. Give her time.)
They do say couples who've been together for a long time start to look like one another. But c'mon, man.
No wonder Santa dropped trou for a plastic piece of poontang.
The label on the skinny chick's package says she contains "quality essentials for creating!" (His says his "1 pc" is "13 inches" which I think is an exaggeration. I can't even see it.) Maybe Kris Kringle is thinking about hanging up his red suit and passing the baton (get it? Baton?) to an heir. Mrs. K is clearly post menopausal, so what's a fella to do? Maybe he invited the skinny chick back to the "workshop" to "make something."
Or maybe this Christmas, just for a change of pace, he just finally decided to get a little something he wanted.
P.S., does anyone else think it's funny that the skinny chick is buck naked, except that they gave her shoes? What the fuck?
Well, anyway. Just wanted to let you all know what kind of skanky merchandise is hanging around my local Pat Catan's. 'Tis the season.
