Defense mechanism

"All art is an intensely vulnerable gesture,

and it is made with no small amounts of risk, and fear.

So, I have plenty of sympathy for self-defense mechanisms,

especially among artists."

-- Steven Erikson

Self portrait in bubble wrap corset 11-30-13

"Everyone struggles to guard their heart from breaking, 

when they should desire to have a heart that breaks.

... some people won't even own a dog for fear it will die --

you can't bubble-wrap your heart ..."

-- John Geddes, A Familiar Rain

"Without comedy as a defense mechanism

I wouldn't be able to survive."

-- Gary Shandling

Pull!

"To succeed in life, you need three things:

a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone."

-- Reba McEntire

G.I. Joes with a wishbone 11-29-13

"As my mom used to say, 

'If wishes were horses, we'd be up to our eyeballs in shit.'"

-- Cat Adams, The Eldritch Conspiracy

"If I had one wish, it would be for self-drying pants.

Wait -- no! Unlimited wishes!

How do I return these stupid  pants?!"

-- Stephen Colbert

It's the day after Thanksgiving, so.

You know.

Time to pull the furcula.

Which means ...

Ding! Ding! Ding!

It's Latin terminology time here at A Face A Day.

Furcula is a Latin term meaning "little fork," in reference to the bone in chickens and turkeys that we commonly call the "wishbone."

Which means...

Ding! Ding! Ding!

It's time for a bird anatomy bonus round!

The furcula is formed by the fusion of the two clavicles, and is supposedly there to strengthen the bird's thoracic skeleton to withstand the rigors of flight. (Even though I personally have never seen a turkey or a chicken fly.)

Which means...

Ding! Ding! Ding!

It's the pop culture daily double!

Traditionally the wishbone, once it is removed from the bird, is allowed to dry and is then held by two opposing "wishers" who each make a wish as they pull the bone apart. It is believed that the wish is granted to the puller who snaps off the larger portion of the bone.

You're both supposed to hold and pull the furcula with your pinkie finger, even though in today's face, Joe and Joe are obviously employing a whole hand technique. Hey, if you have Kung Fu grip, why not use Kung Fu grip? I mean, evolutionarily speaking, if chickens and turkey's don't fly, then they don't really need their furculas, which means that over time, furculas will fade away. Like gills and tails. Right?

So, if Joe and Joe don't use their Kung Fu grip, over time, it will fade away until, eventually, they won't be able to grasp. They'll have those dumb, stiff, unposeable hands, like Barbie. Which means they won't be pulling any more furculas.

And that just ain't gonna happen.

Not on my watch.

Around these parts, evolution is a one way street, my friends. No going back.

Gee, thanks

"God gave you a gift of 84,600 seconds today.

Have you used one of them to say thank you?"

-- William Arthur Ward

Milk chocolate turkeys 11-28-13

"The turkey, slain, slowly cooked over our gas or electric fires,

is the central figure at our holy feast.

It is the totem animal that brings our tribe together."

-- Tom Robbins, Skinny Legs and All

Happy Thanksgiving! 

Or Turkey Day! 

Or Tofurkey Day! 

Or Hanukkah! 

Whatever you call it, happy whatever it is.

*No actual turkeys were harmed in the making of this face.

A quick pick-me-up

"No one is useless in this world 

who lightens the burdens of another."

-- Charles Dickens

Wood mannequins 11-27-13

"There is no exercise better for the heart 

than reaching down and lifting people up."

-- John Holmes

Wood mannequin 11-27-13

Soldier on

"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world
which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime,
and falling in at night.
I miss you like hell."

-- Edna St. Vincent Millay, Letters

"Soldier on," 11-26-13

"What's broken is broken --

and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best

than mend it and see the broken places as long as I live."

-- Margaret Mitchell, Gone With the Wind

"Soldier on (2)," 11-26-13 

"How badly is it broken?"

"It's in a million little pieces."

"I'm afraid I can't help you."

"Why?"

"There's nothing you can do."

"Why?"

"It can't be fixed."

"Why?"

"It's broken beyond repair. It's in a million little pieces."

-- James Frey, A Million Little Pieces

"If all else perished, and he remained,

I should still continue to be;

and if all else remained, and he were annihilated,

the universe would turn to a mighty stranger."

-- Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights

Just a face in the crowd

"There is nothing like looking,
if you want to find something."

-- J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

"Where's Waldo?" 11-25-13

"The creatures I seek do not want to be seen."

-- Annie Dillard, Pilgrim at Tinker Creek

"Leave me alone, and go in search of someone else."

-- Ali ibn Abi Talib

"And you were just a face in the crowd

You were just a face in the crowd

Out in the street, walking around

A face in the crowd."

-- Tom Petty, "A Face in the Crowd"

Ding! Ding! Ding!

It's game time here at A Face A Day!

Today we're playing "Where's Waldo?" 

OK, it's not really Waldo hiding somewhere in this jumble of faces. It's Barbie, disguised as Waldo. (Hey, I work with what I have.) 

You might recognize some other old friends in this group. It's sort of a reunion photo of sorts, with a few new faces mixed in. 

Happy searching!

Exterior decorator

"Know, first, who you are,

and then adorn yourself accordingly."

-- Epictetus

Self portrait 11-24-13

"... take thy rubies, pearls, and diamonds forth, and make

Thyself a constellation of them all ..."

-- John Donne, "Epithalamion"

Who the f*** you callin' Sylvia?

"I love you more than I love goats, 

and you know how I feel about goats."

-- James Patterson, The Christmas Wedding

Goat face 11-23-13

"A close family member once offered his opinion 

that I exhibit the phone manners of a goat,

then promptly withdrew the charge -- 

out of fairness to goats."

-- Jeffrey Kluger

Goat, 11-23-13

Marshall Eriksen:  

"We can't keep a goat."

Lily Aldrin:  

"But she's so cute and fuzzy and soft."

Marshall Eriksen:  

"Yeah, and it also sheds, eats garbage and can't control it's bowel movements.

Why don't we just call Duluth Mental Hospital and say my Uncle Linus can live with us?"

-- How I Met Your Mother, ("The Goat")

This is the goat who lives on the farm, who lives with the standoffish sheep, who lives with the curious cat, who lives with the chickens.

That swallowed the spider,

That swallowed the fly,

I don't know why.

Take that, motherclucker!

"If I didn't start painting, I would have raised chickens."

-- Grandma Moses

Chicken face 11-22-13

"Noise proves nothing.

Often a hen who has merely laid an egg

cackles as if she laid an asteroid."

-- Mark Twain

Chickens 11-22-13

"I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown. 

There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. 

It's chicken and eggs. And I said, I gotta use that one."

-- Paul Simon

Tired of my own face, I decided to spend my afternoon on a face-hunt looking for new material.
I went to the pet store, and stopped at a farm with chickens, goats, a stand-offish sheep and an extremely attention-starved cat that kept winding itself around my legs and trying to get all up in between me and my camera. Anyway, in spite of interference from the cat, the outing was a success -- it got me out of the house, and I have these lovely ladies to thank for it.

Don't judge a face by its title, because this face doesn't have one

"Your title is what you are;

your visions are who you are.

When you know who you are, 

then you will know where 

you can be useful most."

-- Israelmore Ayivor

Self portrait 11-21-13

"I don't want any title. 

I just say what I say I say, 

and hopefully somebody gets it, man."

-- Nas

This toy is taking over my life

I am totally addicted to this PinArt toy. I can't stop playing with it.

OK. I'm done now. I promise.

Self portrait 11-20-13

Seriously. After this, I'm done.

Well, maybe one more.

No joke. This is definitely the last time.

Alright, that's it. For real. Except for maybe this last one.

Now I'm finished.

Twofer Tuesday

"Art has a double face, of expression and illusion."

-- Publilius Syrus

Self portrait 11-19-13

"Look in the mirror. 

The face that pins you with its double gaze 

reveals a chastening secret."

-- Diane Ackerman

Pin Art pinscreen Medusa face 11-19-13

I have a new toy.

Well, it's not actually mine. It's Leo's. But he let me borrow it.

He "bought" it on Sunday with game tickets at the Dave&Busters arcade store.

And O.K., I might have leaned on him a little bit to choose this particular item over the hundreds of other tempting choices. But he was an easy target. As soon as I said "If you get this, I could make a face with it," I had him.

He's a good boy.

It's a Pin Art pinscreen toy, one of those Lucite boxes crowded with rows and rows of tiny pins, that you can use to make an impression of just about anything that fits onto it's 8x5-inch surface.

And because I am having so much fun playing with it, I made two faces today. I couldn't choose just one, so that means ...

Ding! Ding! Ding!

It's "Twofer Tuesday" at A Face A Day!!!

(Oh, yeah. Leo also let me borrow his balsa wood skeleton for the Medusa face. This kid has the best stuff. To show my appreciation, I gave his skeleton a little mustache before I put it back.)

On a personal note

"If you wish to forget anything on the spot,

make a note that this thing is to be remembered."

-- Edgar Allan Poe

Self portrait on Post-It Notes 11-18-13

"Not a day passes over the earth,

but men and women of no note do great deeds,

speak great words and suffer noble sorrows."

-- Charles Reade

"I admit that Post-It note sheets that adhere to virtually any surface 

are now my substitute of choice for retention."

-- Candice Bergen

"There's not a note of mine that's worth the noting."

-- William Shakespeare

The lady is a tramp

"Imagination means nothing without doing."

-- Charlie Chaplin

Self portrait 11-17-13

"Failure is unimportant.

It takes courage to make a fool of yourself."

-- Charlie Chaplin

Self portrait (2) 11-17-13

"She won't dish the dirt with the rest of the broads

that's why the lady is a tramp."

-- Frank Sinatra, "The Lady is a Tramp"

Just because it isn't October anymore doesn't mean I can't still pull out a disguise once in a while.

Plus, I have all these mustaches.

Casual Friday

"A squirrel is just a rat with a cuter outfit."

-- Sarah Jessica Parker

Self portrait 11-16-13

casual Friday
noun
"Friday designated as a day on which employees are allowed to dress less formally than on other workdays."

-- Dictionary.com

So, maybe I packed a jam sandwich and a thermos of decaf and spent my Friday lunch hour enjoying a lovely fall day a the park.

Self portrait (2) 11-16-13

Wearing a squirrel suit.

Then again, maybe I didn't.

But maybe I did.

Probably I did. 

OK. I did.

I definitely ate lunch at the park.

It was the end of the week and I was feeling a little squirrelly. Besides, it was casual Friday, so.

Ding! Ding! Ding!

According to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary, "squirrelly" is an adjective that means:

1. Tending to move around a lot

2. Very odd, silly or foolish

Guilty as charged, your Honor.

This park is a common ground area in the middle of my neighborhood. There are swings, a merry-go-round, a slide, tennis and basketball courts, and the whole thing is surrounded by houses.

I was in the park for about half an hour, in full squirrel regalia, doing my thing.

Nobody noticed. Or if they did, nobody cared.

I think it's because I blended in so well with my surroundings. Squirrels can do that.

Accentuate the positive

"Your soul has a natural taste aversion towards negativity.

It will not let you swallow it.

Spit it out!"

-- Dodinsky

Self portrait 11-15-13

"A strong, positive self-image is the

best possible preparation for success."

-- Joyce Brothers

"Just because I'm sassy and have a mouth on me 

doesn't mean I'm coming from a negative place."

-- Ke$ha

I own two Polaroid cameras.

One was given to me.

My other one cost $1.99 at the thrift store.

This is my $1.99 one. You can even see the little blue price tag on top.

The cameras may have been cheap, but the film for them is super duper expensive and tricky to find. Places keep it in super secret back rooms so people don't steal it. It's like the holy grail of film. When I find some, I buy lots.

The cool thing about a Polaroid image (besides being "instant") is that there's no negative. The pictures are all about a chemical reaction. A Polaroid spits out positive images all day long.

For about $4 a print.

But I'm not complaining. 

This is about Polaroid pictures, so nothing negative. 

Silly strings attached

"Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans.

It is lovely to be silly at the right moment."

-- Horace

Self portrait 11-14-13

"Silly string is not a nasal spray."

-- Bart Simpson

When I was a kid, for a long time I thought when my parents said "running errands" they were saying "running Erins." As in, "I was running Erins yesterday and ran into Mr. Whitehead." Or "I'll be home after I run a few Erins."

Who were these other Erins? And why were my parents spending so much time with them? And what was with all the running?

It's kind of like my brother in law who grew up thinking "making ends meet" was a recipe. As in "ends meat." So when he heard that someone "couldn't make ends me(a)t" it didn't mean they were struggling financially, it meant they lacked the necessary culinary skills or cut of beef. That kills me.

Anyways.

I was running errands yesterday and popped into Discount Drug Mart to pick up a few things I needed. I had a list:

Razors.
Bacon.
Tiger Balm.
M&Ms.
Shampoo.
Bubbles.

Oh, and two cans of Silly String.

OK, Silly String wasn't really on the list, but it was right there on the shelf below the bubbles, and clearly, I needed some. I didn't have any at home.

So.

I'm just glad I don't live in L.A., where the city council annually bans silly string for one day on Halloween.

Jeez. Relax your sphincters already.

I personally think these council members should run an Erin to their local  Drug Mart, buy some Silly String, and spray themselves with it to see how much fun it really is. Then they should go back to worrying about helping people who can't make ends meat.

It's called prioritizing, people.

Death becomes her

Rory:  "So what do you think?"

Dean:  "I think you look like a cotton ball."

Rory:  "Why, thank you, Jeeves."

Dean:  "But a really cute cotton ball."

-- Gilmore Girls, 

Season 2 Episode 6: "Presenting Lorelai Gilmore"

Cotton ball skull face with black eyeliner 11-13-13

"She has enough black eyeliner on to outline a corpse,

and her skin's so pale she looks like she's just broken dawn."

-- John Green, Will Grayson, Will Grayson

Sometimes inspiration comes in everyday places. The bathroom, for instance.

I was putting on makeup when I noticed a couple of Q-tips on the sink edge, forming an X. They looked like crossbones, so I popped a cotton ball next to them and, well.

I don't know about you, but I suck at applying liquid eyeliner. I've never been good at it. I get it everywhere but where it's supposed to go. I usually end up using a Q-tip to erase my mistakes, which usually just smudges them even more, making the whole thing worse. So in addition to this being a super cute puffball skull face, it is also my commentary on how I feel about liquid eyeliner.

I've gotta be me

"Today you are you, that is truer than true.

There is no one alive who is youer than you."

-- Dr. Seuss, Happy Birthday to You

Self portrait in a mask of my own face 11-12-13

"Always be a first rate version of yourself

and not a second rate version of someone else."

                                                              -- Judy Garland

"Don't you ever let a soul in the world tell you

that you can't be exactly who you are."

                                                  -- Lady Gaga

"Find out who you are and do it on purpose."

-- Dolly Parton

Stay focused

"You can't depend on your eyes when your 

imagination is out of focus."

-- Mark Twain

Self portrait 11-11-13

"Instead of focusing on how much you can accomplish,

focus on how much you can absolutely love what you're doing."

-- Leo Babauta

"I think that anytime you get clear about what your mission is 

or what your focus wants to be, 

things start to come together in your life."

-- Eve Ensler

Facing myself

"Anyone can hide.

Facing up to things, working through them,

that's what makes you strong."

-- Sarah Dessen

Self portrait 11-10-13

"Good morning sunshine

It's time to wake those tired blue eyes

And face the day."

-- Callahan, "Face the Day

"With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts."

-- Eleanor Roosevelt

It's beginning to look a lot like XXX-mas!

"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because 

he knows where all the bad girls live."

-- George Carlin

Craft store Santa dolls 11-9-13

"I keep three hoes, but don't call me Santa."

-- Nicki Minaj, "I Get Crazy"

Craft store Santa 11-9-13

Halloween is over, which can only mean two things:

Halloween shit is on sale for 99 percent off, and Christmas shit is flooding the shelves.

I went to the craft store, innocently looking for supplies and ideas, when I came across this tawdry scene -- a horny Santa doll with his red boxers shoved down around his ankles, exposing his nether regions, with a satisfied, silly grin under his beard, standing precariously close to a slim, naked girl doll with perky plastic tits who is trying to act all nonchalant, wide-eyed and aloof, looking the other way while she slips back into her little white loafers for her walk of shame.

Who do they think they're fooling?

Sheesh. Get a room. There are children in this store.

And I thought Christmas was supposed to be all about baby Jesus.

I guess you can't really blame the old guy, though.

Just look at Mrs. Santa down there on the end of the row. She really has let herself go. I mean, she's wearing the exact same boxers as her old man. She's wearing the exact same black boots as her old man. She even has the exact same tits as her old man, for crissakes! (All she needs is a beard and mustache. She'll get there. Give her time.)

They do say couples who've been together for a long time start to look like one another. But c'mon, man.

No wonder Santa dropped trou for a plastic piece of poontang.

Or ...

The label on the skinny chick's package says she contains "quality essentials for creating!" (His says his "1 pc" is "13 inches" which I think is an exaggeration. I can't even see it.) Maybe Kris Kringle is thinking about hanging up his red suit and passing the baton (get it? Baton?) to an heir. Mrs. K is clearly post menopausal, so what's a fella to do? Maybe he invited the skinny chick back to the "workshop" to "make something."

Or maybe this Christmas, just for a change of pace, he just finally decided to get a little something he wanted.

P.S., does anyone else think it's funny that the skinny chick is buck naked, except that they gave her shoes? What the fuck?

Well, anyway. Just wanted to let you all know what kind of skanky merchandise is hanging around my local Pat Catan's. 'Tis the season.

You gotta hand it to me

"But I'm auditioning to play Senor Wences' wife tomorrow!"

-- Jenna Maroney, 30 Rock, "The Shower Principle"

(after catching her hand in a mousetrap hidden in a refrigerator)

My hand as Medusa, with rubber snakes, jiggle eyes and lipstick 11-8-13

"There's only one genius in the business: Senor Wences! 

Lipstick, hair and his hand! He had an 85-year career!"

-- America's Sweetheart: The Mary Pickford Story

If you're old, like me, then you probably remember Senor Wences (Wenceslao Moreno), the Spanish ventriloquist famous for his character "Johnny," which consisted of a face drawn on his hand, his index finger and thumb creating Johnny's mouth.

I always loved it when Senor Wences showed up on The Tonight Show, or The Muppet Show. My Dad liked to use one of Wences' catchphrases -- from his "Pedro" character, which was a disembodied head in a box -- "S'awright." 

Senor Wences and "Johnny"

I'd always try to copy Wences' schtick and curl my little hand into a fist -- try and make it move like a mouth. But I didn't have the dexterity Wences had. Plus, he could make his fist's lips talk without moving his own lips. Me? Not so much.

Anyhoo ... 

I am trying to decide whether to do a 365 days project next year, and was considering 365 days of Medusa. But I don't think I could realistically come up with enough Medusa images to fill a whole year. And I have a sort of unwritten rule about these kind of projects: if I come up with an idea, I have to use it now, when it comes to me. No stockpiling. No saving for later.

So ... this is my Senor Wences/Medusa tribute.

Some people save lives. 

Some people move mountains. 

Some people change the world.

Some people can talk without moving their lips.

I don't do any of those things. As Johnny often said, in his high falsetto: "Easy for you, for me ees very deefeecult!"

But I did glue snakes to my hand, and then drew a funny face on it. 

That has to count for something. Right?

Late bloomer

"Remember to be gentle with yourself and others.

We are all children of chance and none can say

why some fields will blossom while others

lay brown beneath the August sun."

-- Kent Nerburn

Self portrait with Leo's wildflowers 11-7-13

"Silencing the brain's ramblings

gives the chance for wonderful thoughts to bloom."

-- Steven Redhead, The Solution

These wildflowers were growing in a pot out back.
My son Leo planted them in the spring, but they didn't grow.
We thought they were a lost cause.
We figured they were dead.
Bad seeds, maybe?
But Leo didn't give up on them.
He kept watering them until finally, when summer was nearly over, they grew.
Long and tall, awkward and spindly, with big fluttery pink blooms.
The harsh wind and rain have been beating them up pretty bad, and some were getting awfully tattered.
So I plucked them for a portrait.

What's the difference?

"Persons appear to us according to the light 

we throw upon them from our own minds."

-- Laura Ingalls Wilder

Self portrait 11-5-13

"Our differences do matter,

but our common humanity matters more."

-- Bill Clinton

"While there is perhaps a province in which the photograph 

can tell us nothing more than what we see with our own eyes, 

there is another in which it proves to us how little our eyes permit us to see."

-- Dorothea Lange

"He said look behind your own soul

And the person that you'll see

Just might remind you of me.

I laugh, I love, I hope, I try

I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry

And I know you do the same things, too

So we're really not that different, me and you."

-- Collin Raye, "Not That Different"

Indigo ... indigoing ... indigone

"You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap."

-- Dolly Parton

Self portrait 11-5-13

Self portrait (2) 11-5-13

"Existence is a 

strange bargain.

Life owes us little; 

we owe it everything.

The only true happiness comes from

squandering ourselves 

for a purpose."

-- William Cowper

Sacre bleu!

My local Target store was clearing out all of its Halloween merchandise for super-low prices. Everything was 70 percent off. Everything must go!

I guess it's their Halloween version of Black Friday. So, technically, it would probably be orange and black Friday.

Whatever. All I know is I got some sweet day-after Halloween bargains.

Like 11 packs of little glow-in-the-dark rubber snakes, regularly $1, for 30 cents each.

And a terrible, super itchy Mohawk wig that sheds like crazy, for 70 percent off.

And two tubes of face paint, one blue, one black, for 60 cents.

And eight sets of glow-in-the-dark vampire teeth for 4 cents each.

And five packs of self adhesive eyebrows (three pairs per pack) for 30 cents each. That's a low, low price of 10 cents a pair, or 5 cents an eyebrow! They were practically giving the stuff away.

Some folks might stash away all their post-Halloween bargains and save them for next Fall. These are the same folks who take away their kids' trick or treat loot and ration it back to them one piece at a time for the next 6 months.

Screw those folks.

I like to indulge.  I like to eat all of my candy as soon as possible, and I like to bust out my Halloween costume bargains a full year in advance. Squander it. Use it up. Because what if I die before next Halloween? That'd just be a waste of good eyebrows and face paint.

For today's face, I used two sets of the eyebrows (one set as sideburns, because self-adhesive eyebrows are versatile like that, and at 5 cents a brow, why not splurge?) and some of my new blue paint to give myself a nifty blue beard.

Why?

Because I have a daily blog to keep up, and 365 faces to generate before the year is out, that's why.

What did you do today?

"Out on the blue sea I sailed a blue ship.

I had a first mate that always had blue lips.

His name was Bluebeard. He had a weird twitch.

We flew a blue flag up on a big stick.

And we ate bluegill and we ate blue chips.

Oh, I felt real blue eating that blue fish.

Because there ain't much that I won't do unless it

keeps me from being true blue."

-- Bright Eyes, "True Blue"

Less is more

"The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more,

but in developing the capacity to enjoy less."

-- Socrates

Self portrait 11-4-13

"We are happy in proportion to the things we can do without."

-- Henry David Thoreau

Keeping it simple.

PhZzz...

"Take what you have learned, 

and move on."

-- Neil Gaiman, The Sandman: The Dream Hunters

Self portrait 11-3-13

I announced in yesterday's post that I finally graduated from sleep school!

I thought I'd commemorate the big event with an official graduation photo.

I guess you could say I graduated slumber cum laude.

I got all Zs.

I was the valedict-snore-ian.

I earned my PhZ.

Now, if I could only find my dream job.

Back to basics

"You uncover what is when you get rid of what isn't."

-- R. Buckminster Fuller

Self portrait 11-2-13

"We have the choice of two identities:

the external mask which seems to be real ...

and the hidden, inner person who seems to us to be nothing ..."

-- Thomas Merton, New Seeds of Contemplation

"There is but one cause of human failure.

And that is man's lack of faith in his true self."

-- William James

After a month of hiding behind disguises (which was a ton of fun), making today's face felt refreshingly simple and straightforward.

And a little weird.

At first I felt a little bit guilty ... like, "Is it OK for it to be just me?"

And then I let go and relaxed into it, and I found out that the answer is indeed "Yes. It is perfectly OK for it to be just me."

Maybe it's more accurate to say I rediscovered that yes, it's OK for it to be just me.

Because I'd totally lost touch with myself and it was nice to look back into nothing but my own face and say "Hey, you. I thought you'd never come back. Welcome home."

Sometimes you have to scrape off the paint and get down to the bare canvas -- get back to basics.

For me, this feeling goes a whole lot deeper than just self-portraits.

Over the past year, I definitely lost touch with myself. I was stumbling blind in a fog of insomnia, fatigue, depression, anxiety ... pick your poison.

But thanks to some really amazing people who had faith in me -- and thanks my own hard work, motivation, commitment and faith in myself -- the fog lifted and I found my way back.

The best news is that I finally graduated from sleep school!

This is huge. 

After three months of weekly drives (90 minutes each way) to a sleep disorders center, after working with a sleep psychologist on restructuring my sleep, and a psychiatrist/sleep specialist on sorting out my biochemistry, after keeping meticulous sleep diaries of all my sleeping and waking moments throughout every single night, after re-teaching my brain how to get sleepy at night instead of ramped up and anxious, after getting used to the taste of decaf ... 

Well, what it all means is that I can sleep again. Like real people. All by myself. Regularly. From midnight to 7 a.m. Every night (Unless I stupidly break the rules that I know are there to keep me on the rails.) And if I do go off the rails, I have been given the tools, the strategy, the way to get myself back on track.

Which means I don't feel helpless anymore.

Which means I don't feel hopeless anymore.

Which means I feel more like my true self than I've felt in a really long time.

And that's a huge relief. Because honestly?  It got pretty fucking scary and I seriously started doubting whether I'd never make it back.

But I did.

I made it.

Here I am.

"Hey, you."