Saturday, May 11, 2013

Jesus, my face is up here

"Let me give you a little inside information about God. 
God likes to watch. He's a prankster."
-- The Devil's Advocate

Cement garden statues 5-11-13

 “We are all tempted, Mma. We are all tempted when it comes to cake."
 "That is true," said Mma Potokwane sadly. 
"There are many temptations in this life, but cake is probably one of the biggest of them.”

-- Alexander McCall Smith, In The Company of Cheerful Ladies

“We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it.” 

-- C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
For the past several weeks I've been driving past this nursery/garden supply place in my town as it's been re-opening for Spring. They sell flowers, plants, seeds, gardening tools, birdbaths, fountains, wheelbarrows, hoses, fertilizer, trees, mulch, dirt, you name it.

They also sell statues.

The statues are all situated under a pergola near the road, and after driving past a few times a week, I got curious wondering whether there might be any good faces in the crowd.

Um. There were.

It tickled me so much, this juxtaposition of the religious with the carnal, the paradox of Jesus and that weird little monk-robed dude hanging out beside David and the Venus de Milo. I love how Jesus is sort of fondling that flaming heart-thing on his chest, trying not to look but clearly stealing a sideways glance at David's junk, with Venus' tits tempting him right there at eye level. The little monk-robed dude is just totally fixated on David's candy.

So many photo captions and dialogue bubbles, so little time:

"How's it hanging?"
"Wait, what? You mean this isn't the Christian Mingle mixer?" 
"Yo, Dave. The Miracle Gro is in aisle five."
"Jesus, my face is up here."
"No one said anything to me about the full Monty!"
"When I think about you, I touch myself."
"Did you find that thing in the annuals or perennials?"
"Don't touch my junk!"
"Look but don't touch look but don't touch look but don't touch look but don't touch."
"I guess that other thing wasn't the last temptation of me after all."
"Get thee behind me, Satan. You're blocking my view."
"Nice mums."
"I have a heart on."
"He isn't risen."

OK, I'll stop now.
I promise, I did not in any way touch, arrange, pose or artificially assemble these statues for my twisted photographic amusement. I shot them undisturbed in their natural habitat.