Mix-n-match

"My insides don't match up with my outsides."

"Do anyone's insides and outsides match up?"

"I don't know. I'm only me."

 -- Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

Self portrait 4-28-13

“I was not ladylike, nor was I manly. 

I was something else altogether. 

There were so many different ways to be beautiful.”

-- Michael Cunningham, A Home at the End of the World 

A little rebellion

"I'm not going anywhere. 

I'm going to stay right here 

and cause all kinds of trouble."

-- Suzanne Collins, Catching Fire

Polymer clay face with paper eyes and cigarette 3-10-13

Polymer clay face (2) with paper eyes and cigarette 3-10-13

A little face.
A little attitude.
A little trouble.
A little bad ass.
A little rebellious.
A little defiant.
A little insolent.

Totally adorable.

Thomas Jefferson said "A little rebellion,
now and then, is a good thing."

I agree.

I made this face from clay and paper scraps while I was supposed to be cleaning out my office/studio/workspace.

I didn't get much cleaning done.
But now this little rebel exists.
And I definitely think that's a good thing.

Shiny and new

It's a new dawn

It's a new day

It's a new life

For me

And I'm feeling good.

And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me

And I'm feeling good.

-- Nina Simone, "Feeling Good"

Self portrait 2-28-13

I have been "spring cleaning" my life a little bit recently ... dragging some pretty heavy and ripe personal garbage to the curb. Definitely necessary. Very definitely difficult. But the lightness I'm feeling is too good to want to go back. And now that it's out there, I definitely don't want to drag that shit back up the psychological and emotional driveway. No way. Not when I'm feeling so shiny and new. I'm even sleeping better! And nothing burns off the cold depressing fog of a bleak February morning like a good night's sleep.

Also, I got a new latex rubber D.A. wig. I mean, why wouldn't I be feeling good?

Dis-guys

One of my fellas.
Okay, it's me.
With a beard.

Self portrait 2-9-13

Self portrait 2-9-13

One of the boys

Tapping my inner cool dude.
Wait, what? Everybody doesn't have a latex rubber crewcut wig?
That's a real shame.
Cuz everybody should.

Self portrait 2-1-13

Is he or isn't she?

Androgyny.

It's the murky middle ground between masculinity and femininity -- not completely one or the other, and with strong flavors of both. I am no psychologist, but I do believe that most of us, whether our birth certificate says female or male, have a lot more of the "other" mixed into our personal gender cocktail than we care to admit. Personally, I believe the fullness of my personality is a mashup of a vast multiplicity of selves: hims, hers, boys, girls, chicks, dudes. Practicing self portrait has helped me capture images of the separate, distinctly male and female personas that are so intricately mingled inside my self. They emerge on their own terms and timetables, and I never know for sure when one of them might show up. Some are repeat customers. Some come out only once and I never see them again. Looking back over my hundreds of self portraits is a lot like looking into a family album in a way.

I got mistaken for a boy a lot when I was a growing up. I pretended that it bothered me, but honestly, I secretly liked it and wished people would quit making such a big deal about it. Self portraits like this one help me imagine how I might look had I been born male, or had a twin brother. It is remarkable how simple it is to nudge the dial from "girl" to "boy." False eyelashes are all it takes. Put them on the eyelids and wham! It's a girl. Stick one under the lower lip and you get this guy.

Self portrait 1-19-13