Endgame

"The feeling is less like an ending than just another starting point."

-- Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Self portrait 12-27-13

 "Everything comes to an end.

A good bottle of wine, a summer's day, a long-running sitcom,

one's life, and eventually our species.

The question for many of us is not that everything will come to an end but when.

And can we do anything vaguely useful until it does?"

-- Jasper Fforde, The Woman Who Died a Lot

I'm feeling the end of the year bearing down upon me, and with it, the end of this 365 days project.

I always have mixed feelings as I face the end -- sadness, loss, joy, peace, fear, excitement, irritation -- the usual emotional cocktail.

But this time around, mostly what I feel is deep and immense gratitude for a project that became a lifeline during a very difficult and challenging year.

As I finish out the next four days, I have to make a decision:
Take a break and finally catch up on my ironing?
Or do another 365 project?
And if so, what?
Make more faces?
Make something different?

Waiting for inspiration to strike as the year winds down and the clock ticks.

I'm dreaming of a wet ... White. Wait. WHAT? Christmas.

"... only darkened trails of rain could paint your face upon a pane ..."

-- John Geddes, A Familiar Rain

Self portrait 12-22-13

"The sun did not shine.

It was too wet to play.

So we sat in the house.

All that cold, cold wet day."

-- Dr. Seuss, The Cat in the Hat

"'I'm still crazy. The rain feels good. I love to walk in it.'

'I don't think I'd like that,' he said.

'You might if you tried.'

'I never have.'

She licked her lips. 'Rain even tastes good.'

'What do you do, go around trying everything once?' he asked.

'Sometimes twice.'"

-- Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

I has been raining nonstop for days here in northern Ohio.

I went outside and played in it anyway.

I'd prefer snow. But sometimes you've gotta work with what you have.

If it was snowing, I'd be up to my eyeballs in it.

Oh, wait, I am up to my eyeballs in it.

Lemme lemme lemme upgrade you

"When a woman teams up with a snake 

a real moral storm threatens somewhere."

-- Stacey Schiff, Cleopatra: A Life

Medusa mask 12-8-13

"Then Bernice winced as Marjorie tossed her own hair

over her shoulders and began to twist it slowly into two

long blond braids until in her cream-colored negligee she

looked like a delicate painting of some Saxon princess.

Fascinated, Bernice watched the braids grow.

Heavy and luxurious they were, moving under the supple fingers 

like restive snakes."

-- F. Scott Fitzgerald, "Bernice Bobs Her Hair"

Medusa mask (2) 12-8-13

"You have to snake the drain when my hair gets clogged."

-- Beth Murphy, He's Just Not That Into You

I made another Medusa!

This brings me to a grand total of eight Medusa faces so far.

I've used my own face, Barbie, my hand, plaster, paper mache, face paint, wooden snakes, rubber snakes, plastic snakes, a Pin Art toy and dreidel dreidel dreidel I made one out of clay.

(Just type "Medusa" in the search bar if you want to see them all.)

This time I re-purposed a terrible 99 cent plaster mask that I found at the thrift store. Someone had hand-painted it really, really badly with music notes and "New Orleans" and "Jazz." They tried to paint the lips and eyes, but was pretty stinking awful. It had a grubby pink ribbon on it, too.

But I saw potential in this sad little castoff and plopped down my 99 cents and brought her home for an upgrade.

I still have a whole bunch of bargain basement Halloween-closeout-plastic-glow-in-the-dark snakes from Target -- just like the ones I used for the Senor Wences Medusa face (which you can view by clicking here: Senor Wences Medusa)

I glued the snakes to the mask, then painted the whole thing in with a dark brown hammered-finish metallic spray paint, then hit it with a little matte spray to take down the shine, and finally, dry-brushed it with gold acrylic paint. Even though it's made of plaster and plastic, I think the metallic look is pretty convincing.

The mask is about a third the size of a wearable mask, so this one will have to live as wall art, which, I hope, is a more satisfying existence for her that laying forgotten on a dusty shelf at Goodwill. I left her 99 cents sticker on the back, though, so she doesn't forget where she came from.

All work and no play makes Batgirl a dull superhero

"A little nonsense now and then,

is cherished by the wisest men."

-- Roald Dahl, Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator

Self portrait 12-1-13

"You can discover more about a person in an hour of play

than in a year of conversation."

-- Plato

"Go and play.

Run around.

Build something.

Break something.

Climb a tree.

Get dirty.

Get in some trouble.

Have some fun."

-- Brom, The Child Thief

"It is human life.

We are blown upon the world;

we float buoyantly upon the summer air a little while,

complacently showing off our grace of form and our dainty iridescent colors;

then we vanish with a little puff,

leaving nothing behind but a memory --

and sometimes not even that."

-- Mark Twain, "Mark Twain's Own Autobiography," 

North American Review, May 3, 1907

I've gotta be me

"Today you are you, that is truer than true.

There is no one alive who is youer than you."

-- Dr. Seuss, Happy Birthday to You

Self portrait in a mask of my own face 11-12-13

"Always be a first rate version of yourself

and not a second rate version of someone else."

                                                              -- Judy Garland

"Don't you ever let a soul in the world tell you

that you can't be exactly who you are."

                                                  -- Lady Gaga

"Find out who you are and do it on purpose."

-- Dolly Parton

MT

"One need not be a chamber to be haunted."

-- Emily Dickinson,
"Part Four: Time and Eternity"

Self portrait 10-14-13

"Ourself, behind ourself concealed,

Should startle most."

-- Emily Dickinson,
"Part Four: Time and Eternity"

"I am empty of everything.

I am empty of everything but the thin, 

frail ghosts in my room."

-- Jean Rhys, Good Morning, Midnight

I made this paper mache skull mask as part of my 2012 "No Day Without Art" 365 days project.
Making this mask (and two other companion masks) was definitely one of my favorite projects from that year. Amazingly, I've never used any of them in a self portrait, until now.

Taking this guy out of his box made me want to make more masks.

Cheap entertainment

"This mug of mine is as plain as a barn door. 

Why should people pay 35 cents to look at it."

-- Spencer Tracy

Self portrait 10-6-13

I bought this nifty paper eye mask at the costume/party store for 35 cents.

I had my son Sam as a designated driver, so I wore my new mask out of the store and kept it on in the car.

I wore my new mask while I ordered my triple decaf Americano at the Starbucks drive thru.

There is a cute little barista there named Allie who we always give a little gift after we visit the costume/party store. Once we gave her a balloon with a bunny face on it. Another time we gave her a paper camouflage mask. This time, we gave her a zombie finger puppet. (3 guesses what tomorrow's face is!) We also gave a zombie finger puppet to our other favorite barista, Terri, who said we made her day.

Yay! Making someone's day feels super-terrific. And it doesn't have to cost a lot of money. And it doesn't have to be anything monumental or heroic or expensive.

For pennies, you can brighten someone's dreary, rainy afternoon.

So go ahead and do your part to make the world a happier place.

Put on a paper skull and eyeballs mask, get out there and give away some zombie finger puppets.

October-faced

"I like to pretend that my art has nothing to do with me."

-- Roy Lichtenstein

Self portrait with hand-painted Lichtenstein mask 10-2-13

I'm still feeling a little bit inspired by the Pop Art movement, so I painted this Lichtenstein-inspired mask.

It's just paint and ink on a cheap plastic blank mask from the craft store.

The ink that I made the dots with smeared a little bit, but that's OK.

It was just an experiment.

I learned from my mistakes.

I do want to try again and make a better one. Next time I'll use something a little more indelible.

Oh, and I came up with a name for this month's "disguise" themed portraits:

"October-Faced."

Get it? It sounds like "October fest" but with "faced" instead of "fest."

Oh, forget it.

Ahhh-ctober!

"I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers."

-- L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

Self portrait 10-1-13

"I think if human beings had genuine courage, they'd wear their costumes 

every day of the year, not just on Halloween. 

Wouldn't life be more interesting that way? 

And now that I think about it, why the heck don't they?

Who made the rule that everybody has to dress like sheep 364 days of the year? 

Think of all the people you'd meet if they were in costume every day. 

People would be so much easier to talk to -- like talking to dogs."

--Douglas Coupland, The Gum Thief

Maybe it's just me, but September seemed to last a long damn time.

October has been impatiently standing by the door checking its watch and jingling its keys for a while now, waiting for that other bitch to take the hint and hit the bricks.

But it's finally over, and I'm pretty excited.

It's no secret that I like to dress up in costumes and disguises all year 'round. I do it "for my art." At least that's what I use as my excuse. But in October, it's OK to dress up and wear disguises without any excuses at all.

That sounds pretty good to me.

I can pull out all the stops and let 'er rip. 

As I try to figure out what my actual Halloween costume is going to be, I think I'll try several out here on the blog and make it kind of a loosely themed "disguise a day" costume challenge nested inside the over-riding "A Face A Day" structure.

So I'm getting the greasepaint and the spirit gum ready.

I'm unpacking my masks, wigs and silly glasses.

Time to pick up some fake blood and vampire fangs.

Hey, October. What took you so long?

Behind the mask

"Behind every mask there is a face,
and behind that a story."

-- Marty Rubin

Self portrait 9-25-13

"I hold my face in my two hands.
No, I am not crying.
I hold my face in my two hands
to keep the loneliness warm --
two hands protecting,
two hands nourishing,
two hands preventing
my soul from leaving me
in anger."

-- Thich Nhat Hanh

"We were not meant to mask ourselves before our fellow-beings, 

but to be, through our human forms, 

true and clear utterances of the spirit within."

-- Lucy Larcom

"Because the mask is your face,

the face is a mask ..."

-- Faith Ringgold

Death mask

"We all must die. 

There is no better way to do so 

than in the pursuit of something you love."

-- Jim Butcher, Death Masks

Wood mannequin with a skull mask 9-21-13

"I'm dealing with a lot of scary things. 

I think you have to react to them. 

And you either laugh at them or you go insane."

-- Jim Butcher, Death Masks

Bird's eye view

"If you buy an egg thinking it's a goose's egg, 

and when it hatches it is actually a bird of paradise,

no manner of convincing and reproach will turn the bird of paradise into a goose.

Even if you make it go to goose church and goose school 

and eat goose feeds and only hang out with geese! 

In the end, it will still belong to paradise."

-- C. Joybell C.

Self portrait 8-28-13

"You cannot prevent the birds of sadness from passing over your head,

but you can prevent their making a nest in your hair."

-- Chinese proverb

Self portrait (2) 8-28-13

Welcome to "Fun With Feathers!" at A Face A Day 2013!

I had this cheap little Mardi Gras mask in my costume stuff for a long time, but every time I tried to use it, I put it back in the box. It wasn't special enough or something.

I got it out again for this self portrait, but this time I painted myself red first, then plucked the mask of its feathers, rearranged them and glued them directly onto my face.

Somehow, the paper backing with its little elastic strap was the problem. It was the thing that stood between the mask looking fake and "put-on," and looking like I really had feathers on my face.

Plus, I have a whole bottle of spirit gum, so why not use it for more than just mustaches?

While I was shooting these portraits I had a strong urge to go someplace public with my paint and feathers still on. Like, maybe stroll into Starbucks and calmly order a triple decaf espresso, pay for it, sit there and drink it, then calmly stroll out.

It wouldn't hurt anybody.

If it was Halloween and I did that, nobody would think twice. They'd be all like, "Oh, cool, she's wearing her Halloween costume in Starbucks on Halloween." It would make sense. Or if I lived in L.A., nobody would think twice. They'd be all like, "Oh, cool, she's wearing her paint and feathers in Starbucks on a Tuesday." It might still make sense.

But I live in Small Town Ohio.
And it isn't Halloween.
It's the ass end of August.
The closest holiday is Labor Day.

So I shot the photos, removed the feathers (I also have a whole bottle of spirit gum remover), cold creamed the paint off, took a shower and watched the red remnants of my short life as a bird slosh around in the suds at my feet and then swirl down the drain.

Oh, my goddess

"I knew that I looked at the reflection of Medusa,

the Gorgon,

fairest and foulest of living things,

the unclean creature, half woman, half eagle,

slain by the hero Perseus,

and one glimpse of whose tortured face

turned the luckless beholder into stone with the horror of it."

-- Gertrude Bacon, "The Gorgon's Head"

Self portrait in Medusa mask 8-18-13

Medusa mask 8-18-1

"It was a human head, severed at the neck, but fresh and unfaded as if but newly dead. It bore the features of a woman -- of a woman of more perfect loveliness than was ever told of in tale, or sculpted in marble, or painted on canvas. Every feature, every line was of the truest beauty, cast in the noblest mould -- the face of a goddess. But upon that perfect countenance was the mark of eternal pain, of deathless agony and suffering past words. The forehead was lined and knit, the death-white lips were tightly pressed in speechless torment; in the wide eyes seemed yet to lurk the flame of an unquenchable fire; while around the fair brows, in place of hair, curled and coiled the stark bodies of venomous serpents, stiff in death, but their loathsome forms still erect, their evil heads yet thrust forward 

as if to strike."

-- Gertrude Bacon, "The Gorgon's Head"

The Gentlewomen of Evil: An Anthology 

of Rare Supernatural Stories 

from the Pens of Victorian Ladies

This Medusa mask has been an ongoing project since early last year when I made a plaster cast of my face. The white, hardened, gauzy mask has been laying around my workspace for months, waiting for its purpose to come along. I've photographed it a couple of times, and even used it July 23 on this blog, as a makeshift Medusa with wooden snakes for hair.

I finally decided to make it permanent and glued the snakes in place, and painted the mask to look (I hope) like weathered bronze, like a statue covered in verdigris (small inset photo above). I tweaked the color, for dramatic effect, in today's self portrait.

Medusa fascinates me. 

Her story, her mythology, her significance, is all centered around her face.

She was a ravishing beauty, the only mortal daughter of two marine deities, who was "caught" being raped by Poseidon, god of the sea, in Athena's temple.

Athena was so enraged that she punished Medusa.

You read that right. 

She punished Medusa. 

For being raped.

As if being raped wasn't punishment enough, Athena poured salt in the wound by transforming Medusa's beautiful hair in to serpents, and making her face so grisly and terrible to behold that the mere sight of it would instantly turn onlookers to stone.

And not only that, to add more insult to injury, Medusa died (while pregnant by Poseidon) when she was beheaded by Perseus, at the request of King Polydectes. Perseus then used Medusa's severed head against the king, turning him to stone so that he couldn't marry Perseus' mother.

Medusa's face is one of the most famous faces in history.

It's been written about, it's been the subject of art for ages, eons, centuries.

The polarity of who and what she represents makes her a heroine and a monster.

She embodies female beauty and ugliness.

She represents strength and victimization.

Because others couldn't handle her beauty, they took advantage of it, they abused it, and they ultimately destroyed it.

Some things never change.

Pucker up butter-cup

"I don't have to KISS her, do I?

Is that what Valentines do??!

Oh, gross!"

-- Bill Watterson, The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes

Self portrait 8-14-13

“A kiss may ruin a human life.”

-- Oscar Wilde

Self portrait (2) 8-14-13

"Although it is rare, the fear of touch can have devastating consequences for those who suffer from it. If you are struggling with a fear of touch, kissing may feel like a violation instead of a pleasurable experience.

In some cases, the fear of kissing stems from a deeper concern over intimacy or vulnerability. Some people are actually more comfortable with having sex, which they view as impersonal, than with kissing, which they see as intimate. These issues are complex, and are best faced with the help of a competent, understanding therapist."

-- Lisa  Fritscher, 

"Philemaphobia: Understanding the 

Fear of Kissing"

Premium blend

"Why fit in when you were born to stand out?"

-- Dr. Seuss

Self portrait 8-13-13

"Want a reliable road to emotional and spiritual suicide?

Spend your life trying to fit in."

-- Brandon Mull

"The only rule is don't be boring and dress cute wherever you go.

Life is too short to blend in."

-- Paris Hilton

Smoke gets in your eyes

"Now laughing friends deride

Tears I cannot hide

Oh, so I smile and say

When a lovely flame dies

Smoke gets in your eyes."

-- The Platters, "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes"

Polymer clay mask with cigarette 8-5-13

"I'm going to put a mask on and scrawl my name across the face of the world,

build cities of gold, come back and stomp this place flat,

until even the bricks are just dust.

So you can just shut up. All of you. I'm going to move the world."

-- Austin Grossman, Soon I Will Be Invincible

"While you're out, will you stop by the party store and buy me a mustache?"

I said that. To my child.

I meant it.

I did need a new mustache, because I sacrificed my favorite one for this project.

I finally finished that mask I started a while back. (You can view it here: afaceaday2013.blogspot.com/2013/07/unfinished-business.html )

He isn't "supposed to be" anyone in particular.
I just made him up.
He can be whoever you want him to be.
This mask isn't particularly wearable, because it's kind of heavy. So it's actually more of a sculpture than a mask, but still. It's a mask.

Maybe I'll try a self portrait with it sometime.
Probably I'll try a self portrait with it sometime.
Definitely I'll try a self portrait with it sometime.

Maybe.

Laid to rest

"Wanderers eastward, wanderers west,

Know you why you cannot rest?

'Tis that every mother's son

Travails with a skeleton."

-- A.E. Housman, A Shropshire Lad

Self portrait 7-30-13

"The longest way must have its close --

the gloomiest night will wear on to a morning."

-- Harriet Beecher Stowe, Uncle Tom's Cabin

Self portrait (2) 7-30-13

"Might there come a time

When we stand over a grave

And mourn ourselves?

Mourn the past, a previous life?

Shall we weep for the passing of time?

Shall we grieve for unfulfilled dreams?

In my naivety; in my belief

In immortal youth, 

I sleep walk through life.

Someone ... wake me up.

Please.

Wake me up.” 

-- Samantha Young, Slumber

Today could potentially be kind of a big deal.

Today I am driving to a city about an hour and a half away, to a hospital with a sleep disorders center, to meet with a specialist who deals with chronic insomnia, to maybe, possibly, lay my sleep troubles to rest.

I am cautiously, tentatively optimistic.

Today could be the start of something good. 

It could be a step towards living again, towards reclaiming my life, which feels like it has been circling the drain for months -- dying a slow death, too exhausted and too wasted from sleep deprivation to do much else.

I've read and learned enough  about insomnia to understand that a permanent, non-pharmaceutical solution won't be easy and will probably involve a lot of hard work and effort. 

I'm prepared for that. 

The bright, hopeful side of me is, anyway.

I think.

   

I am also realistically, skeptically wary.

Today could big a big flop.

The specialist could tell me that a permanent, non-pharmaceutical solution is an impossible dream as she hands over a prescription and laughs like a cartoon villain. Bwaaa haaa haaa!

The specialist could simply say "You're fucked."

I'm prepared for that, too.

The darker, cynical, jaded side of me is, anyway.

Either way, I have to at least try.

And I will. Try.

Because I want insomnia to be something I once had. 

I want it to be a memory.

A bad dream that I was forced to stay awake for.

A visitor that came and way, way way overstayed its welcome, but ultimately left.

I want it dead.

A ghost.

A skeleton.

I want it, and me, to rest in peace.

Unfinished business

"In hell there is no other punishment 

than to begin over and over again 

the tasks left unfinished in your lifetime."

-- Andre Gide

Polymer clay mask 7-25-13

"I don't like the word 'experiment' in the context of art in general. 

It implies something immature, unfinished, 

something entertaining for a moment before it becomes irrelevant."

-- Abel Korzeniowski

Peg Boggs:   Oh, my. What happened to you?

Edward:      I'm not finished.

 

-- Edward Scissorhands

Typically a face has to be "finished" before I post it on the blog.

But sometimes I like to indulge in a process that takes a little longer than a day to complete, from start to finish.

Often, if I am waiting for such a process to take its time, I make other less time consuming faces simultaneously, post those, and wait for the time consuming one -- the lolly-gagger -- to be finished.

But today's face, even though I plan to do more to it, looked kind of cool in it's unfinished state. 

So I decided to share it, and some of my process.

For anyone who's interested.

This face is a mask -- a life-sized face -- made of polymer clay.

Usually when I make a mask this size, I use the clay as a mold only, and render the final mask from it in papier mache.

But this face  looked pretty cool in clay, and it had some details that I didn't want to lose in the papier mache.  Plus, I haven't ever made anything this big in polymer clay and I was in an experimental mood.

So I went ahead and baked it and made it permanent.

Here it is "raw," while the clay was still pliable and before I glued in the teeth.

Polymer clay mask (unbaked) 7-25-13

Polymer clay mask, baked, with teeth 7-25-13

And here it is "baked." With the teeth glued in.

While I was photographing it, it was getting dark, so I had work lights on. 

I dug how the light filtered through the mask highlighting and shadowing the different thicknesses of the clay. 

Also, it made this face look super-sinister. Which I also dug.  

It looked like this:

Polymer clay mask (2) 7-25-13

He looks pretty devilish, doesn't he? 

Or maybe she's a she.

 I haven't decided yet. 

Stay tuned.

To get the image at the top of the page, I used this same image, and just fiddled with the colors and contrasts, turned and tweaked a couple of knobs.

I plan to do more with this mask, but I enjoyed playing with it the way it is. 

It's a lot like raising kids.

You don't have to wait for them to grow up before you can enjoy them.

They're lots of fun at every age.

And its nice to take pictures to chart their progress along the way.

Also, just in case I fuck up this mask by doing more with it, I wanted to have a record of its existence while it was still pretty good.

Which is also a lot like raising kids.

Bone head

"It is not my intention to be fulsome,

but I confess that I covet your skull."

-- Arthur Conan Doyle, The Hound of the Baskervilles

 

Self portrait  7-15-13

“Life's true face is the skull.”

-- Nikos Kazantzakis

Self portrait (2) 7-15-13

“The trauma said, ‘Don’t write these poems.
Nobody wants to hear you cry about the grief inside your bones.”

-- Andrea Gibson, The Madness Vase

The morning after

“The simple truth is that you can understand the way you are. 

You can know and love and hate it. 

You can blame it, resent it, and nothing changes. 

In the end, you're just a part of it.” 

-- Brenna Yovanoff, The Replacement 

 

Self portrait 7-4-13

"I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.  

I learn by going where I have to go.”

-- Theodore Roethke, "The Waking"

This is a self portrait of exactly how I feel on a morning after a night of no sleep.
A morning like this morning.
You'll have to take my word for it when I say it's a pretty damned accurate likeness.
Weird, but accurate.
Seriously.
I mean, yeah, I know it's a plastic gumball machine monkey wearing a C-3P0 mask, but ...
Trust me.
It's like looking in a mirror.