Sunday, October 20, 2013

Do the ripe thing

"One day, there's a hand that goes over the face and changes it.
You look like an apple that isn't young anymore."

-- Greta Garbo

Shrunken apple face 10-20-13

"It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep,
or I'd be rotten to the core."

-- Phyllis Diller

"No spring nor summer beauty hath such grace 
as I have seen in one autumnal face."

-- John Donne

"Delicious Autumn!"

-- George Eliot

If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, then what about a face a day?
And what happens if the face is also an apple?
Or, what if it's an apple disguised as a face?
Wouldn't that be a "fapple"?
OK, now I have a headache.
I think I need a doctor.

I carved this little face in an apple from one of my backyard apple trees.
I let it dry out for a few days until he got good and wrinkly and shrunken.
It's not technically a "shrunken head" though because those are made with actual severed human heads. And while I do sacrifice for my art, it's not that kind of sacrifice. 
I'm no head hunter.

Which means ...

Ding, ding, ding!
It's time for A Face A Day fun fact!

Did you know the term "head hunter" refers to the practice of killing people to harvest their heads for trophies and rituals, and also in order to meet the demands of Western collectors as well as tourists who wanted shrunken heads as souvenirs?

Um. Gross.

Wouldn't a cute snow globe be just as nice?
How about a fun t-shirt or a coffee mug?
Couldn't you just take a few snap shots?

I mean, who says "Honey, remind me to stop by the souvenir shop after snorkeling. I want to pick up some postcards and a severed human head. I told the kids we'd bring them something."

Who looks at a dried up, shrunken, severed human head and says, wistfully, "Remember that awesome trip to Peru? We should go back."

What souvenir shop owner checks inventory and says, "Ralph, make sure to order some more shot glasses and thimbles on Monday. Oh, and we're running low on severed human heads. Can you get on that please?"

Will they allow a shrunken head in your carry-on, or do they make you check it with your other luggage?

Hey, whatever keeps food on the table.